Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Sabotage, depression & headaches....

Well, it has been tough. Seems as though I have sabotaged myself without even realizing it. I fell harder into depression last week. There was a lot on my mind, and I got lost in my own head. One night I sat down with some potato chips-I haven't had them in a while-and I ate half a bag....horrible and embarrassing I know. I was so disgusted with myself when I was done....How am I suppose to lose weight and get healthy if I am letting things like this happen? I feel awful-not only do I just feel awful about myself-I literally feel awful. I am sick a lot, I don't have much energy, and I don't sleep well. 
Last week was one of the toughest weeks I have had by far. I felt very alone. After a couple weeks of having headaches sometimes daily, I had a horrendous headache for almost a week straight-talk about miserable. I tried everything-taking meds, not taking meds, caffeine, no caffeine, drinking more water (which I need to increase anyway), eating more often, hot showers, heating pads etc etc. I stayed off the computer and just tried to relax. I even turned off my facebook temporarily. Nothing worked, I just had to let it ride it's course. I was barely sleeping-which I know didn't help-at all!
Last night I once again cried through lots of the Biggest Loser. I so badly wish that was me-making a change in my life. I can't find the motivation-it's lost....and seems so far away.